Mt. Pulag; a death defying experince!

"There are no atheists in foxholes,"

I am an agnostic by faith, while philosophically, an atheist. I am the ironies of all ironies. A paradox. A hypocrite but not a parasite. Mt. Pulag verified everything in me. Mt. Pulag puts everything to the test in me. I died in Mt. Pulag. I cried and weep in Mt. Pulag. I chilled, grinned my teeth, wailed, prayed and cursed God in Mt. Pulag. I talked to God in Mt. Pulag. Heavy chilling winds and rains is the answer. The God that I meet in Mt. Pulag, is a harsh terrifying God. I gave up in Mt. Pulag. My inner will, which serves as my internal flame to keep me warm is waning, fading into chilling cold dark ridges. The God’s in Mt. Pulag was truly angry. Yes! Mountaineering skills are no match! However, it is when the time that I gave up, that I have a new found strength, an inner strength. My feet is telling me to carry on! Equally true is the mantra of Kabala. We can influence God! We can influence the course of the Universe. Prayer is not the matter, the heart that truly prays, matters most. Agnosticism and atheism is the irony in me that lead me to pray and cursed, even though I’m half hearted. I still carry on, moved on, survived a death defying climb in Mt. Pulag, where I had found my resurrection, and a new found meaning of the agnosticism and atheism.